Sunday, February 22, 2009

Top Ten Ways To Avoid Catching Student's Germs, hence, wasting five days in bed!
10. Keep a box of disposible rubber gloves and face masks in desk drawer.
9. Teach students the Safety Kid's song, "Stay outside of My Space"
8. Follow the previous song's admonitions or receive White Slip.
7. Begin practice of 'bumping hips' to replace a 'high five' or 'hello hug'
6. Keep a fresh stack of phone passes on center of desk already filled-out so when ill child approaches desk, I can point to preprinted note and minimize virus-infected-air-filled exposure.
5. Visit Home Depot for construction-worker's utility apron. Fill it with can of Lysol, disinfectant wipes, hand sanitizer and sticky notes to post on offender's foreheads that state: 'Signs Of An Ill Child!'
4. Offer Free Homework passes to those who miss school and bring back a note stating that they were ill and thought it best not to infect others.
3. Threaten an F-for-the-day to anyone caught wiping their nose on their sleeve.
2. Place tip jar on desk with sign stating, 'Donations for Flu vaccination welcomed'
1. Purchase a webcam system hooked up to each student's home so that I can remain bacteria-free whilst I spew forth colossal amounts of information, and allow their parents to gain-back their well deserved role as overlords.

4 comments:

Annie said...

That was hilarious and oh, so true. How bad is it that parents can't use more common sense? The schools become babysitters because the mother's just want the kids GONE. Sad day. I'm sorry you get the bad end of that stick.

Jamie Jo said...

That was pretty clever. You should submit it to all education websites.

Zandy said...

Poor Judy! I'll have to get you enough sanitizer to bath in! Hope you feel better! Missed you on Sunday!

Cobbley Family said...

c'mon wheres all the adventures....blog, damn it!! and I want access to Rachies!!