Top Ten Ways To Avoid Catching Student's Germs, hence, wasting five days in bed!
10. Keep a box of disposible rubber gloves and face masks in desk drawer.
9. Teach students the Safety Kid's song, "Stay outside of My Space"
8. Follow the previous song's admonitions or receive White Slip.
7. Begin practice of 'bumping hips' to replace a 'high five' or 'hello hug'
6. Keep a fresh stack of phone passes on center of desk already filled-out so when ill child approaches desk, I can point to preprinted note and minimize virus-infected-air-filled exposure.
5. Visit Home Depot for construction-worker's utility apron. Fill it with can of Lysol, disinfectant wipes, hand sanitizer and sticky notes to post on offender's foreheads that state: 'Signs Of An Ill Child!'
4. Offer Free Homework passes to those who miss school and bring back a note stating that they were ill and thought it best not to infect others.
3. Threaten an F-for-the-day to anyone caught wiping their nose on their sleeve.
2. Place tip jar on desk with sign stating, 'Donations for Flu vaccination welcomed'
1. Purchase a webcam system hooked up to each student's home so that I can remain bacteria-free whilst I spew forth colossal amounts of information, and allow their parents to gain-back their well deserved role as overlords.